


Saying The Wrong Thing

by Anxiouslykitty



Series: Strong Women Cry [4]
Category: The Expanse (TV)
Genre: Anger, Arguing, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Regret, Self-Doubt, Spousal Support, season 4
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-18
Updated: 2020-10-18
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:41:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27075160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anxiouslykitty/pseuds/Anxiouslykitty
Summary: Chrisjen regrets humiliating Bobbie...
Relationships: Arjun/Chrisjen Avasarala, Chrisjen Avasarala/Bobbie Draper
Series: Strong Women Cry [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1967755
Comments: 2
Kudos: 10





	Saying The Wrong Thing

Bobbie was walking away down the hallway and Chrisjen couldn't believe how fast everything went wrong. For months Chrisjen had been missing Bobbie. She had respected Bobbie's wish to stay out of everything with the MCRN and her discharge. Though Chrisjen had pulled a few strings to make sure she got a job when many vets didn't. When the opportunity came up for Chrisjen to go to Mars she was ecstatic. She couldn't wait to invite Bobbie to the dinner so she could show all the people who had mistreated her how amazing Bobbie was. Yet again she had fucked up.

As Bobbie disappeared around the corner of the hallway Chrisjen started after her. 

"Bobbie" Chrisjen shouted. 

Chrisjen picked up her pace and scurried down the hallway towards where Bobbie had turned. She needed to get Bobbie back so they could talk. It was stupid to offer her a job in response to Bobbie's emotions. They needed to talk about it calmly. Chrisjen needed to apologize. 

"Ma'am you can't leave this area" the guard said as he blocked her from turning out of the hallway. 

"Get the fuck out of my way" Chrisjen commanded. 

The guard continued to block her way and the second guard stepped in next to him.

"Do you know who the fuck I am" Chrisjen shouted. "Let me past."

Chrisjen tried to push through the two guards and they each grabbed one of her arms restraining her. She heard the footsteps of her security coming up behind her, but they didn't do anything to help her. 

"Get your fucking hands off me" Chrisjen screamed louder. 

Chrisjen pulled against the guards as much as she could. The guards kept their hold tight and her two security came a step closer.

"Ma'am we can't let you out of the secure area. It's for your own protection" one of the guards explained. 

"Screw my protection" Chrisjen growled. "Let me go."

Quick footsteps came up behind her and she felt hands grip her shoulders. She thrashed against the restraint from the guards and the new person. She fought hard until she heard the voice of the new person and stopped.

"Chrisjen you need to stop," Arjun commanded gently.

She stopped fighting completely and leaned back into Arjun's grip. The agitation was surging through her body. She was upset about Nancy Gao and she screwed up with Bobbie. Things had spiraled so fast. 

"Everyone can hear you. You need to calm done and come with me" Arjun calmly explained. 

Chrisjen yanked her arms again and the guards let her go but didn't move out of her way. Arjun kept his grip tight on Chrisjen's shoulders. 

"Don't talk to me like I'm a fucking child" Chrisjen growled. 

"Love, come with me" Arjun whispered. 

Arjun turned his attention to her security team.

"Please clear the way for us to return to our accommodations" Arjun instructed. 

The two security quickly went off to clear the way to where they were staying. Arjun gave a nod to the guards who stepped aside and allowed Arjun to walk Chrisjen through the doorway and out of the hallway. Arjun turned her in the opposite direction from where Bobbie had gone. 

"I need to talk to Bobbie," Chrisjen pleaded.

"We have to follow the rules," Arjun explained. "You know that."

Chrisjen let Arjun guide her back to their room. It wasn’t a long walk from the hall, but her dress was heavy and she was so tired. She was leaning into Arjun and wishing she could go back an hour and change everything she had done. The security let them in and assumed their station outside the door. Chrisjen pulled away from Arjun and paced the room. Arjun went to the drink cart and poured a drink for each of them. He brought Chrisjen her drink and she clutched it tightly. 

"I shouldn't have invited her tonight," Chrisjen grumbled, taking a big drink.

Arjun sat on the couch and took a sip of his own drink. 

"I enjoyed getting to meet her," Arjun began. "She’s a very bright young woman and was very enjoyable to talk to. But she did seem uncomfortable."

"She wasn't just uncomfortable," Chrisjen shouted. "I fucking humiliated her."

"Now…" Arjun started. 

"She said it. She said it was humiliating to be there. I wanted her there to show off how glorious she is and instead I humiliated her" Chrisjen explained. 

Arjun held his hand out to Chrisjen inviting her to sit with him. Reluctantly Chrisjen crossed the room and grabbed Arjun's hand. He pulled her down next to him where she flopped into the couch. 

"Fucking Nancy Gao" Chrisjen grumbled. 

"What does Nancy Gao have to do with it" Arjun asked. 

"She's resigning to run against me for Secretary General," Chrisjen explained. "I found out at the beginning of the dinner."

"Is that what the speech was about" Arjun asked. 

"No" Chrisjen snapped. "Maybe a little, but it was for Bobbie. I wanted them to remember how much Bobbie did for Mars."

"She means a lot to you," Arjun stated. 

"She saved my life when she didn't have to," Chrisjen explained. "She got screwed by Mars and it was partially my fault. I just want her to have the recognition she deserves." 

"You have a big heart Chrisjen" Arjun said. 

"That's not true," Chrisjen grumbled. "I'm cruel and manipulative. I hurt people trying to do what I think is right. I fuck things up with people over and over again."

Chrisjen buried her face into Arjun's shoulder. The glass in her hand started to slip and Arjun grabbed it from her. He leaned away from her to set both glasses on the table. Leaning back he pulled Chrisjen away from him so he could look at her face. 

"Why does this feel like more than just what happened tonight with Bobbie" Arjun asked. 

Chrisjen’s chin trembled and her eyes filled with tears. Arjun pulled her tightly to his chest and she let her body melt into him completely. Everything felt heavy. She was so mad. Mad at herself, mad at Nancy Gao, mad at the people who wanted to blindly go into the gates.

“I played DeGraaf and he hated me when he died and I never got to fix that. I guilted Cotyar into helping me because he got Charanpal killed and he died trying to prove himself. I forced Charanpal to join the marines and he didn’t want it and he died because of it” Chrisjen explained.

“I don’t like seeing you like this,” Arjun said. “You can’t blame yourself for their deaths. You didn’t kill any of them and Bobbie isn’t dead.”

Taking whimpering little breaths Chrisjen buried her face into Arjun’s chest. She didn’t want to cry. The last few years had brought too many tears. Her father would be disappointed in how weak she was being. She didn’t want to be weak.

“You need to decide what you want Chrisjen,” Arjun began. “If you want to walk away and stop I will be there every step of the way. If you want to fight Nancy Gao for the Secretary General position then you need to take it seriously. You need to get a campaign manager and play the game. I’ll be there with you through the whole thing. Either way you won’t lose me. We’ll figure this out and I’m sure that Bobbie will come around.”

Chrisjen let herself believe Arjun’s words. If anyone could help get her through everything it would be Arjun. The question was did she really want to walk away from protecting Earth. The answer was no. She needed to fight Nancy Gao and she needed to win. She had protected Earth so far and they should trust her to keep protecting Earth. She would win. She had to win.


End file.
